


Everything Stays (but everything fades)

by Ghostlaments



Series: Everything is Different (Lisanna fics) [2]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, F/M, Falling Out of Love, First Crush, First Love, Light Angst, Moving On, Multi, Platonic Relationships, Realization, Unrequited Love, letting go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 18:54:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6532165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostlaments/pseuds/Ghostlaments
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes (most times) she feels like a burning ember, so close to going out completely, but so so hot. Wasn't her love deep? Wasn't it a roaring, devouring inferno, unable to burn out and unbearable to touch?<br/>Now she's just a coal, slowly losing its heat.<br/>Lisanna comes to terms with her feelings, and with what Natsu really means to her.<br/>one-sided nali, eventual implied nalu.</p><p>Second part of a series going in depth about Lisanna's two years in Edolas.<br/>Part two is natsu-centered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Stays (but everything fades)

**Author's Note:**

> nali fans: sorry.....I like Nali but i just??? dont?? see it :/  
> nalu fans: i meant for this to be vaguely implied, but it's heavily implied. Best friends Nalu is 100% canon tho
> 
> I love Lisanna why must I make her suffer  
> This is based on things that happened to me, or,,, are happening? I'm not very good at romance 
> 
>  
> 
> Part of me wants to edit this and rewrite before I post it but fuyuucvvkj I've been writing it for like 3 months now and I don't care

_I'm in love,_ Lisanna decides, and thinks nothing else of the matter.

  
It's a warm autumn day and she's lying on the grass with Natsu, bodies opposite directions but heads almost touching so that if she turns, her eyes will make contact with his eyes, but in an upside-down kind of way.

  
It's hopelessly romantic. She sighs.

  
Happy's off in the distance, staring into a rather large puddle.

  
_"I'm gonna catch a fish!" he declares._

  
_"That's stupid! It's a puddle!" Natsu retorts, and Lisanna whacks his head._

  
_"Go for it," she tells Happy, smiling her motherly smile._

  
She is his mother, after all. And Natsu's her husband. (Or he will be, at least.)

  
She's suppose to know she's in love already, probably, but she was young when she requested Natsu to marry her. That's what people do, she assumed: get married, raise a kid! you couldn't really raise a kid without marrying someone first, right?

  
_How innocent,_ she thinks, wondering if Natsu will mind if she runs his fingers through his hair. She wants to.

  
•••

  
She wants Natsu on the S-class mission. But since she wants Natsu with her everywhere, it's not a surprise. So she smiles and waves him off and tells herself _this time, this time I'll give him a welcome back hug._

  
He crosses her mind more than once that mission, and she sighs dreamily as Mira complains that _God, Lisanna, get yourself together or honestly I'm going to leave you by yourself!_

  
He doesn't cross her mind again until her life flashes before her eyes and Mira is above her, sobbing.

  
_A gloomy grey scene and soaked pink hair. It matches her dress. She smiles and thinks someone with such a nice colour for hair shouldn't be so sad._

  
_Blue streaks on a white egg. A hut, small and temporary, made of wheat. "wow, that's amazing, Lisanna!"_

  
_"aye sir!" She can't help but smile. And the pink hair is there and so is Natsu, grinning like an idiot beside her. She's…happy._

  
_A family. That's what they are — and family makes it up to each other. So she sighs and frowns at Natsu and tells him to make it up to Happy, or else._

  
_Her heart thumps happily when Natsu grins and says "yea, my best friends are Lisanna and Happy, they're the best!" She can't seem to control her blushing whenever he sits so close. Subtle? Everyone can tell— except Natsu, apparently._

  
•••

  
When no one is around, like now, Lisanna can let her façade go and allow herself to be…not okay.

  
It's late, so late Lisanna decides it's _early_ and the infirmary is dead silent. Which is fair enough, she's kind of the only patient (anyone else in this world usually ends up captive or dead. There aren't as many injuries here).

  
She misses Natsu. She has Mirajane and Elfman— different, but similar enough— but the Natsu here is so different it hurts her to call him Natsu.

  
_"Lisanna, I'm so glad you're okay!" Natsu latches onto her, burying his head into her shoulder and sobbing. Lisanna sinks into his embrace, pretending this is usual, that she's used to it. It's Natsu, alright. It just isn't_ her _Natsu._

  
He's caring, but he's too caring. He's friendly but not extravagant, happy but not hard-headed. He's too soft, too weak-willed. Lisanna wonders if her counterpart was as close with him as she is (was) with her Natsu.

  
Part of her wonders if the change should stop her, if their love was meant to be it wouldn't matter if he was different.

  
_That's ridiculous,_ she decides and shoves the thought away.

  
•••

  
"Want to go for a ride?"

  
When she stares at him blankly, he flushes and scrambles to explain. She's processing a Natsu who _likes_ vehicles, he's deciding she thinks he's dumb for offering her a ride.

  
"I mean— I just got better tires, and you seem kind of down— I know you're not the biggest fan of my car but it might cheer you up— sorry, stupid idea." He stares at his feet.

  
Lisanna blinks, recollecting herself, remembering. _She's his Lisanna, this is what his Lisanna does._

  
"No no, that's a good idea, Natsu!" She smiles warmly at him, standing. "Sorry, I spaced out. Let's hit the road!"

  
_A Natsu who likes vehicles and doesn't get sick in them… what a shock._

  
Of course, the bigger shock comes when he hesitantly holds the door open for her and then slides smoothly into the driver's seat.

  
"Alright, baby," his grin flickers alive and Lisanna is hit with such déjà vu that she thinks it's a physical blow. "Time to tear it up!"

  
The engine kicks in humming, and they shoot forward, kicking up dust. Lisanna sits silently, involuntarily gripping the seat. Natsu hollers and pushes the gas down harder, rocketing them through the deserted island. He's ecstatic and she doesn't know what to think.

  
_It's like a flip has been switched._

  
Lisanna decides she wants to ride in the car with Natsu every chance she gets. Why wouldn't she? Here, he's so confident and rough, outgoing, happy…so much like her Natsu.

  
_You're gripping him too tight,_ something murmurs in the back of her mind. She frowns momentarily and asks Natsu if he has any music, specifically _hard_ music that he can play _really, really, loudly._

  
Natsu's face lights up and he grins uncharacteristically (or too characteristically for Lisanna), slamming his fist into the music player.

  
Minutes later and she's practically singing along, even though it's music she's never heard with lyrics she doesn't know. Beside her, Natsu _is_ singing along (yelling, actually) and throwing his head around. The car is out of control, but he doesn't care and she doesn't notice. Natsu throws his head out the window and hollers spectacularly. Lisanna follows his lead, feeling the wind in her face and the speed, _oh the speed!_

  
The song ends. Lisanna reluctantly pulls herself back into the truck. Natsu is watching her. Dark eyes taking in her windswept hair. Curiously. She swallows nervously when she realizes, burning under his stare.

  
Not that she fully minds the staring (after 'the fall' it seems to happen frequently) but the way he is now, like this, sets her heart thumping.

  
This staring digs a lot… _deeper._

  
The car slows to halt, the duo jump out. Just like that, Natsu is reverted back to his quiet, bumbling self. Lisanna excuses herself a bit too quickly, 'remembering' chores that Mirajane wanted her to do. She thanks Natsu, and hurries away.

  
Maybe she goes because when she's in that car with him, it's almost as if she's home. It's almost as if she's back where she belongs, with her rowdy best friend and a talking cat for a son.

  
But something was tearing at her, tearing from the inside out. When he wasn't around, she wanted him. She wanted to talk to him and laugh with him and hold hands. When he was around, she felt confined, awkward, wrong. That wasn't how it was supposed to be, was it? What was wrong with her?

  
_It's because he's not my Natsu,_ she tells herself when she can't sleep and Elfman snores loudly. _It's because he's too soft and too sweet and he has conversations with Gray that don't turn into fist fights. It's because he isn't so dense and he can tell when I'm sad and he never shouts or raises his voice except when he drives. It's because he doesn't challenge people for fun and he thinks before speaking and his body is warm like a human and not burning, boiling, brewing like a trapped dragon._

  
_If I get home,_ (when, she corrects on without optimism, because how is she going to get back?) _when I get home, everything will go back to normal. I'll be with my Best Friend again. Everything will be like it was._

  
•••

  
Her name is Lucy Ashley, and she is nothing like Lisanna has ever seen. She is loud, and rough, and so very very forward. She shows up behind Natsu one day, claiming to have helped him on a mission and that she's here to join Fairy Tail.

  
_Lisanna looks at the grip on Natsu's shoulder and feels a foreboding pit in her stomach._

  
_"Are you sure you want to join?" Mirajane asks timidly. They are outlaws, after all._

  
_"Of course! It's where I want to be."_

  
_"It'll be rough…there's no guarantee you'll live. Won't your family worry?" Lucy's smile — a sneer, actually — flickers just for a second. Long enough for Lisanna (and Natsu, probably) to notice._

  
_"Who cares?" Lucy swings her arm around Natsu. She gestures around her. "All I want—right here."_

  
_Lisanna can't help but think she's referring to Natsu and her gut clenches painfully._

  
•••

  
For the first time in her life, Lisanna has to deal with jealousy. She has to deal with Lucy, taking up Natsu's time. She has to deal with this irrational urge to pull him away if Lucy so much as looks at him with her fiery brown eyes.

  
But…  


But Lisanna can't bring herself to hate Lucy. There's so much in there she respects, a small familiarity that brings her home.

  
_"Are you coming Natsu? We have a job."_

  
_Natsu shoots up from the table, quivering. Beside him, Lisanna looks at Lucy wearily. "Yes! Yes. I'm coming, one second." He turns to Lisanna. "I'll see you later."_

  
_Lisanna frowns. On impulse, she asks, "Can I come?"_

  
_Natsu blinks at her. "Oh, ah, I don't know, you'll have to ask Lucy. She picked it."_

  
_Lucy's already heard her. "If you want. It'll be pretty tiring though. I'm bringing Natsu so he can drive." She goes on to describe it, and Lisanna feels her motivation slipping._

  
_"It's fine then," she says, sinking into the table. "Changed my mind. Have fun, Natsu."_

  
Sometimes she wonders if there's a Lucy back at home, her real home. She wonders if That Lucy and Her Natsu are friends, partners like This Lucy and This Natsu are. She wonders if that Lucy is different, if she's softer, quieter than this one.

  
_She tries to spend as much time as possible with Natsu, but it's hard when Lucy keeps making him drive them to missions._

  
_"Don't you hate it? Having to drive her everywhere?" Lisanna asks one day, when he comes back from a job. Lucy is preoccupied._

  
_Natsu shrugs, looking around nervously. He knows what will happen if he badmouths her. Lisanna hates watching him being used as a punching bag, but it can't be helped._

  
_"No…" he admits quietly. "If she doesn't, what would I use the truck for? Besides…" he trails off with a sigh. Lisanna doesn't know what that sigh means, but she has an idea, and her heart drops._

  
•••

  
Somewhere along the line, she stops hanging out with Natsu, or trying to. What's the point if Lucy is always interrupting them? Or, worse, Natsu won't stop talking about her?

  
Lisanna opts to watching from afar, waving occasionally. She has better things to do, she tells them, him, herself.

  
But it's not enough. She won't—can't bring herself to stop…interfering.

  
_"Lucy!" She calls when Lucy noogies Natsu. "Stop beating up Natsu."_

  
_The first time she calls Lucy out, Lucy cracks her knuckles and sends Lisanna a bone-chilling stare. "Oh?" She starts towards Lisanna. "a new challenger?"_

  
_Lisanna gulps, but holds her ground. She'll take a hit if she has to, and if it'll get her to stop beating on this poor, timid Natsu…_

  
_Luckily, Mirajane comes rushing over just as Lucy is towering over her._

  
_"Ashley! I need you to carry this for me…you better not be thinking about punching my sister."_

  
_Lucy whips around, turns her head to glare at Lisanna, a dark scowl on her face. It vanishes and she disappears in the direction Mirajane is pointing her to._

  
_Mirajane rushes to Lisanna. "She didn't hurt you, did she?"_

  
_Lisanna rolls her eyes. "Ne-san, I could take her. She should stop beating up Natsu! He can't handle it! Please don't interfere next time."_

  
_Mirajane agrees, a frown etched on her pretty features. Lisanna assumes it's worry for her, but Mirajane seems to be in deeper thought. She waves it off._

  
Without the need to bother Natsu all the time, Lisanna slowly finds herself doing other things. She helps Mirajane around the bar. She gets Levy to explain all her machinery, even if Levy yells a lot while doing so. She manages to get her mind off of things.

  
_"You don't hang out with me anymore," Natsu confronts her one morning. Lisanna shrugs, and debates whether or not to lie._

  
_"You're always with Lucy now," she accuses back. "Besides, I'm busy."_

  
_"We could go for a ride sometime," he suggests, looking hurt. Lisanna softens._

  
_"I'd like that," she tells him, because she really would. Even if it's for different reasons. "But you have to save your gas, remember? They're really putting laws on it. I don't want you to waste your gas on me."_

  
_This Natsu isn't her Natsu, and doesn't put up any fight. "Y-yea… I guess." He backs away and Lisanna is left in a suffocating silence._

  
He leaves after that, for a solo mission. Lisanna notices how it doesn't bother her as much as it should. That her heart doesn't ache like it used to.

  
Lucy, however, is a little pissed that he left without her. Which in all honesty is hilarious — she was on her own solo when he left.

  
To her own surprise, she's not that lonely. There's no ache left when he leaves, and she feels hopeful for the first time. She also feels a foreboding sense of _guilt._

  
But this time, he's gone for a long time. Long, even for fairy tail standards.

  
_Lisanna pulls a request off the board. "I'm taking this one!" She calls to Mirajane._

  
_Mirajane smiles back. "Ok, be safe!"_

  
_She passes levy and Lucy fighting. "Cut that out, you two," she scolds out of habit. Lucy scowls at her, and Lisanna is surprised to see dark bags under her eyes. Is she not sleeping?_

  
The job is dangerous, but all jobs are dangerous. The actual work itself, well, it's pretty simple. Just a bit of magic and some manual labor, no big deal.

  
It distracts her, fully and completely. She feels content.

  
•••

  
There's an unnatural buzz when she returns. She hasn't stepped inside, but there's something about the vague chatter she can hear from within. Something is happening. Has Natsu returned? Frowning, she decides that must be it. Lucy must be yelling. She always riles them up.

  
Without worrying, she steps inside. "Lucy," she calls. "Are you bullying Natsu again? You should really stop."

  
Lucy pulls away, seemingly bashful. "We're done here." You frown at her as Mirajane and Elfman appear behind them. "Oh, Lisanna, you're back."

  
She smiles at them. "I'm home, Mira-nee, Elfman" she turns to tell off Jet and Droy.

  
"No way…"

  
She almost misses it as she laughs at Jet and Droy. A voice…a voice she hadn't heard for a very long time.

  
And suddenly she's aware of the intensity in Natsu's eyes, and the way he seems to be shaking. How he and the small, blue cat beside him are shaking…and the tears threatening to fall from their eyes.

  
Something inside her seems to collapse.

  
_"Lisanna!" Natsu cries, and flings himself towards her. Lisanna yelps: she doesn't know how to react, she doesn't know what's going on!_

  
_Luckily, Lucy steps in with a swift kick to Natsu's face. "What kind of animal are you? Back off!"_

  
_Natsu's still crying, big tears rolling from his eyes. "Lisanna," he babbles, "is over there. She's alive."_

  
Somehow, this hits her the hardest. She finds herself unable to move, unable to speak. This can't be her Natsu, can it? How is he here, with that small girl who looks a little like Wendy?

  
She feels the tears well up in her eyes, and quickly escapes outside. _Her Natsu, her Natsu was here, with her, in Edolas!_ There's a million things running through her head, a million _hows_ and _whys_ and _what nows_ and briefly she realizes she could go back in and embrace him like she's wanted to this whole time.

  
_But she doesn't. That will blow her cover and she can't bear to see Mirajane and Elfman in tears again. She can't, she convinces herself as heavy sobs make her shoulders jolt._

 __  
•••  
  


_There is a storm in the sky, full of lights and magic. She can see mages being pulled up: ones she recognizes, like Gray and Erza, and some she doesn't, but look similar to people she does know. Wendy. A blonde who she guesses must be Lucy. Natsu too, grinning like an idiot with a bruise already forming on his face._

  
_Lisanna can't look away. She feels like she's losing, like a game she tried so hard to win._

  
_She'll never see that smile again. This Natsu would never do something so extravagant._

  
_Then she feels a tug of magic, a feeling she hasn't felt for two years. A feeling of dissolving, floating._

  
_Her siblings grab her, tell her they've known all along. Did Natsu know as well? Did he realize? Desperately, she looks up at him, but she can't read his expression._

  
_Mirajane's hands leave her. She's leaving. Edolas disappears in the light._

  
•••

  
The ground is wet, and the air is alive with magic. Lisanna lies there, trying to comprehend. She's back, she's home! Overwhelmed, it takes her a minute to notice tears pouring down her cheeks again. She wipes them up quickly. This is what she's wanted these two years anyway. No use getting upset.

  
She can't see them anywhere, so she sneaks through the bushes, quietly. How is she going to explain this? How is she going to face Natsu?

  
An exceed finds her first, sneaking through the bushes and looking around stealthily. She recognizes him, Panther Lily of the royal guard. _Oh fuck._

  
_Lily makes quick work of tying her arms up. He may be small in this form, but he's still a capable soldier. Lisanna tries to explain that she's not actually suspicious, fuck, she's part of fairy tail for Pete sake, but lily is pulling her towards the others before she can get a sentence out._

  
Lisanna can't help herself, and absolutely launches herself at Natsu's already overworked body. He's here and she hasn't seen him for years and fuck she's wanted to do this for so long. Above her, there's a storm, flashing lightning and highlighting his shocked features.

  
She wants to kiss him. It would be so easy.

  
But she doesn't. And by Natsu's face, he won't either. She gets up, reluctantly.

  
_"Lisanna?" There's something familiar about that voice. Lisanna turns to look at a pretty blonde with soft brown eyes. She's stared into those eyes before, but they were fiercer, colder._

  
_Lucy._

  
_And with the way she stands so close to Natsu, moves when he moves, the way he moves in front of her at any sign of danger —_

  
_They're just as close with each other as That Natsu and That Lucy._

  
_And without Lisanna to interfere, to hold them back._

  
_She waits for something to hit her, she waits for the feeling of losing, of loss. Nothing comes. She feels empty._

  
_…why?_

  
She doesn't mean to avoid Natsu and Lucy. It must be because she was accustomed to it in Edolas, she says. Must be because she needs to catch up with Mira and Elfman, they're her siblings.  


She believes it, too. She loves her siblings, they mean the world to her. But didn't Natsu mean the world to her too?

  
_"I missed you, Lisanna. When you left, I didn't know what to do." Natsu stares at his hands. He's struggling to say these words, and she knows it. He's always been straightforward and fiery, to say such soft words must be confusing for him. His eyes are soft, fragile, vulnerable._

  
_Lisanna smiles at him warmly. "I missed you too. I guess not as much, because there was a Natsu there. He was a lot like you." These words feel harsh for reasons she can't understand. Are they the truth? Is this how she actually feels? Natsu suddenly doesn't look as soft and vulnerable anymore._

  
_"He wasn't anything like me! Did you see him get along with Gray? What version of me would do that?" He jumps to his feet, fire sprouting from his mouth. Lisanna flinches when the heat licks her face. Was his fire always this hot?_

  
_She restrains from mentioning that he and Gray do get along really well, just in their own unique way. She's seen them fight together, grin and fistbump. She knows._

  
_Natsu pauses, and sits back down. "You don't…you don't hang out with me anymore," he fiddles with his hands. "Did I change? Did Edo-Natsu hurt you?"_

  
_Lisanna raises her eyebrows. "You didn't change, Natsu, not very much." But I think I did, she thinks. "Nothing happened with Edo-Natsu. You saw him, he can't hurt a fly. Besides, you have a lot of missions you've been doing. I have work to do, and you're not the only person who missed me." Excuses, excuses. They're the truth, why do they feel like excuses?_

  
_Natsu stares at her with such intensity that Lisanna would've melted, had it been two years ago. Now it just sets her slightly on edge. Eventually he rises from the bench. "Ok. See you around, Lisanna. You should come on a mission with us sometime."_

  
Lisanna notices how much he smiles around Lucy, Earthland Lucy. Did Edo-Natsu smile that much? She doesn't think so. There's a sense of jealousy in her heart, but she forces it down every time. She doesn't know this Lucy. This Lucy is different. It's not her fault if she's Natsu's New Best Friend or if he constantly hangs around her. She isn't like Edo-Lucy. Natsu hangs out with her for a reason.

  
•••

  
Lisanna has no idea how well they work together until she sees them together during the S-class exams, after it goes to shit. And she sees it all.

  
_This is what soulmates look like, she decides,_ after their compatibility blows her away. She and Natsu were never this close, and she had a five year advantage. How long had this Lucy known Natsu? One?

  
There's a calm in her heart. She should be racing with adrenaline, weak with exhaustion. They're mid-battle. Her best friend, her suppose-to-be husband, her love, is off to fight, and possibly die and she won't be there. Lucy will. This should drive her up the wall, she should be mad with worry and guilt and sorrow and jealousy—

  
But her mind is a blue sky and her heart is the ocean under no wind: calm and soothing and inviting. She feels like she's a kid again, lying under that tree and deciding she'll love Natsu forever and ever.

  
_I'm not in love,_ Lisanna realizes, and smiles. She loves Natsu, but as a _friend_ , as a _nakama,_ as a _guildmate._

  
She shoves Lucy in his direction instead.

  
_"Always stay by his side,"_

  
_"When Natsu has a trusted friend beside him, he gets even stronger."_

  
_"Good luck, Lucy."_

**Author's Note:**

> AGAGAHHGGHH THE END IS CHEESY I'M S ORR Y
> 
> so i had to rewatch Edolas arc to get some things right (bc its been a year or two since i rewatched ft and i can't remember small details anymore) and apparently Edo-Lucy and Edo-juvia/wendy/whoever were IN fairy tail already and KNEW Lisanna before the accident but since i want Edolas to parallel Earthland I Ignored That Very Hard. also i didn't want to rewrite my entire fic.


End file.
